Monday, May 5, 2014

A new start to writing

Tuesday 29th April, 05:42

Here I am staring at the blank page thinking what to write even though I am thinking so much about writing since last couple of days. Since a few weeks everything seems to be going wrong, everyone seems to be going away. All the close people are to busy to talk and I sit in this foreign land alone. Its funny how life is, people think I have somehow became a millionaire or something working abroad, have lots of foreign friends and forgotten them, and enjoys every night in some club yet here I am.

I have been hating everyone so much that I hate myself for that, which isn't helping. Yesterday what I feared happened, they remember to invite me to the wedding and gave me a call, I didn't want the call, I wanted them to forget informing me again so I have one more reason to hate, it was as if hatred was my drug and I was always looking desperately to get it.

Last night after talking to AK for a while she mentioned something that struct me, about disappearing or dieing. You might think it was about dieing that bothered me but it was disappearing instead, she didn't realise how I felt about what she said, she couldn't.. after all it had to do with my personal story, my personal experience. And it didn't end here, as I called her name a couple of times she said "Don't make me hate my name", I am still thinking if she was joking or serious because right after that she said she is going to sleep and left. Even as a joke it hurted but what if she was serious?

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